a good morning

This morning has been interesting.

my alarm went off at 3.30am.... i went to bed around midnight... and i got up just afer 4.
I got in to my car and drove 56 miles to edinburgh airport to get on a plane to go to J and J wedding :-)

it was dark while driving so the journey was pretty quick... country roads :-)

I got to the airport... and found that i had left my wallet at home.
so i didn't have any id. i couldn't check in.

Was gutted. Phoned Mum... woke her up - oops, and she was calming.

I changed my flight time... and realised i couldn't pay to get out of the car park...
chatted to nice man and he let me out for free.
Drove 56 miles back to my house, woke up some of my team to let me in the house... then drove 56 miles back, and now i'm checked in and waiting to board.

so. basically everything went wrong. and i almost got very upset and stressed.
but the journeys were amazing.
Scotland is beautiful, and i got to see the same stretch in total darkness, in the light before the sun comes up, and in risen sun.

Jesus is awesome, i mean in a totally stressful situation i was able to worship him for the beauty that was so evident, i'll see if i can put some pictures up,

there were moments when you had low cloud, but could just see the top of the big hills peaking out the top, and then low miss with trees just showing over the top.

man, mist, trees, hills and rising sun. now thats a beautiful combination.

thank you Jesus

now for a flight and the wedding :-)

bond and whiskey

So teams sometimes take on attributes of their leaders.

sometimes this is a good thing. other times this is a bad thing. and other times its just amusing.

we've had some hard days with lots of stuff going wrong. and we've prayed together and spent time making stuff work together - unfortunatly i didn't get us to worship together, which i should have done,

but tonight i decided that we would chill out together. and just be. together.

so we got some whiskey, beer, pringles and bicardi in and played bond infront of a beautiful roaring fire.

it was a lot of fun.

so good to see tension drop and just for an evening all of us forget some of the hard stuff.

is this right? I'm not sure. I'm not sure its wrong.

but it happened. and we all laughed together, we all screamed (in love.....) at each other when we died. I got progressively better at bond the more whiskey i had....

we all really enjoyed having fun

i don't know if we can ever do this again with as much effect, or even if we should

but what i do know,
the as a team we are more of a team,

and i hope Jesus enjoyed us having community.

I think he was there. and I know he loves us, and i know we love him

whiskey and bond = worship?

i hope it could be

I don't have any answers. Well may be a couple.

I don't have the answer.

that's a phrase i keep wanting to say, shout, scream, whisper or cry.

I keep getting asked questions i don't know how to answer. Sometimes because i can't find out, sometimes because there isn't an answer, and other times becauses i didn't even think to ask that question myself...

EVery time i have to say "i don't know" i feel like i have let people down. I still think that i should know the answers. There are some questions i really should know the answers for, but others I should learn how to feel free to say, I don't know.

One of the hardest things about it is the constant feeling of having to think. Having to think fast, "what questions might i need to answer?" "what is happening next?" "can we do that?" "if the van doesn't work on friday what will we do?" "how do i buy food if all my cards are rejected?" "are there any other ways to say no?" "How can i help the team bond and work together?" "is it unfair to leave that responsability with them?" "what am i doing here? I have no real gifts except to be here"

stuff like that.

I need some time each day to spend with Jesus. Because that is the answer.

which sounds so simple, and so annoying. but it is true. and its a fact i was reminded of today.
I got a great text this evening saying when we lift our eyes to Jesus then we really do have peace.

and its true everytime i take some time out and just spend it with Jesus I am filled with peace, and strength - (in repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength)
what i need to learn is how to spend quaility resting time with Jesus in the middle of a crisis.

i also know the answer to 2+2.

or at least i think i do.

trust

just had an awesome text.

"trust is an amazing thing.Nothing changes and yet somehow everything is changed."

wow.

especially when we trust Jesus.

sometimes we are in not such good situations/circumstances that there seems to be no reason for, or that there seems to be no good in it, or no hope, or no end to, but then when we decide to trust in Jesus, to actively trust in Jesus, and say, I trust you, i can't see how its going to work, or pan out, and it might never look great for me in this, but i trust in your goodness, then everything changes.
logically everthing is the smae, but our perception is different. we look at God not at the problem - God to whom nothing is impossible. nothing at all.

an amazing text :-)

my address

I fianlly have an address for next year

Jeff Pullinger
c/o Rowen Hamilton
Dalpatrick Ford
Crieff
PH7 3QN

which amuses me slightly :-) LOL!

Art

Quite a while ago now I found out that one of my beautiful friends could do art.
Not a huge discovery you might think. But it was.

She was good at art. But she didn't really do much any more.

I love art, but I don't really know much about it - but i do know that some times a picture can capture an emotion, or a fact in a way that sometimes words or music can't.

I was going through some stuff, and hope was a very important word to me. and I wanted to see hope.

So i asked her to draw me hope.

she did.

and she drew such a powerful piece of art.
It is a picture of someone kneeling down and hugging the foot of the cross.

it has spoken to me loads. Loads and loads. over and over again. And it has spoken to so many other people. People keep seeing the image in my bible and asking for a copy because its so true. and so powerful.

hope - to kneel at the foot of the cross.

hope - only comes from knowing that Jesus died and ROSE from the dead.

I then asked her to draw me the glory of God, and she did. And that too remains in my bible.

One night as i was thinking in bed about the idea of this job, and the end of my degree I was thinking about trust in Jesus.

I had to trust in Jesus for my future - but that felt hard. I couldn't see where i was going, and if i went, and Jesus didnt bless me, or go with me or turn up, i was dead.

i was thinking about this, and couldn't get my head around it.
So I text my friend and asked her to draw me "having to totally rely on Jesus/trusting Jesus".

On saturday after the commission my beautiful friend gave me a framed picture.
The picture is of God's hand, and a person stepping blindfolded of one finger - and there being another finger there - but the person can't see it.

I can not explain or discribe how powerful this image is to me - or how it encapsulate exactly what i was thinking.

It is beautiful.

when I told her how amazing I thought it was she said
"thats because Jesus is amazing. He knows you better than anyone so when i sat down and said 'Jesus what can i draw?' he said 'draw this' and showed me. so i can't take any credit for it"

wow.

which is why the art is so amazing. That is a beautiful heart and attitude.

but....

its not quite correct. :-)
Jesus is amazing.
He does know me better that any one.
He did say "draw this" and show her.

But...
it took a person who loves Jesus enough to spend time with him, so she could hear his voice, and understand what was being said.
It took a person who's heart is big enough to care enough to draw it
It takes a person who has spent enough time practicing drawing to be at that level of expertise.
It takes a person who is willing to try, a person who is willing to try their best - who is willing to possibly fail, a person who is willing to share their heart - because thats what music and art etc is all about.

I agree that Jesus should take all the credit - because he made some one so wonderful - but they still had the choice not to do any of the above.
so....
Yes to Jesus be the glory.
but I want to publicly say thank you that my friend drew this wonderful piece of art.

it is very special.

and in my eyes the credit goes to her and to Jesus. and I don't think thats wrong.
so Thank you.

erm... so there.

music/art/dance/work is so special - they are all ways in which we can touch other people lives in such a profound way. but it does take time - and practice, and failing many times first, and perserverance, and more than all of those, spending time with Jesus so you can hear that promting. That guidance.

creativity.... in my personal opion starts with Jesus - even for those people who don't know him

first blog back

Training has finished.
Commissioning has come and gone.
The time for going to scotland is on its way...

and i have the internet again.

what have i learnt over the last 7 weeks?

A lot.

what can i say here? - I'm not sure, I'm still pretty braindead. :-)

but I want to say a couple of things.

Commissioning is a big thing in the YFC world. Its a day when all the creative arts teams perform infront of family, friends, staff workers, and perspective missions organiser who might want to hire us.
Its high pressure, and a lot of fun.

The whole day went really well, and i was so proud of my band. They were great, they performed to a really high standard. and actually I felt much more proud than I thought I would. It seems they mean a lot to me! already and I've only known them 7 weeks -
thats one thing that has happened. I love my band. They are not a collection of people, they are my band. And I love them :-) Can't wait to get started working up in Crieff with them. Even if they might drive me mad, or i might drive them mad.

For commissioning some of my friends and family came up. And that meant so much to me - again much more than i thought it would do. These events have normally not meant a huge amount to me - its just a day.
and it was just a day,
but I felt so blessed that my friends came up - i mean really blessed. I am so thankful to Jesus that i have such friends.

Friends are so important.