Jeff Pullingers blog

New blog?

2009-10-25T22:50:00.001Z

Hi.

I've not blogged here for a long time and for that I am sorry.
I have a new blog. Just starting.

http://www.inspireandencourage.me.uk

Let's hope I blog a bit more regularly.

Jeff

A Gift For Dickie

2008-05-05T21:29:00.002+01:00

Lord Richard "Dickie" Attenborough has wanted to make a film about Thomas Paine for years. He needs help funding it.
If you're interested then please go here>>> http://www.agiftfordickie.com

:-)

a meal inside a loaf of bread

2008-01-18T23:25:00.000Z

that's right, tonight I got served my main course of bigos inside a hollowed out loaf of bread. total genius!

I'm back... again!

2008-01-02T21:47:00.000Z

really. it's now 2008. a new year, a new chance to think about blogging.
I haven't got any new year resolutions yet.
but I did spend some good time reflecting about what I've been grateful for this last year, what i've been disappointed about and what I can learn from that, and what my hopes I have for next year.

it as a good time :-)

have a good year.

Hello :-)

2007-09-13T19:22:00.000+01:00

I have been away for a while.

Life has changed a bit. Again.

I am back.

Quote

2007-05-11T09:17:00.000+01:00

"All the Kung Fu in the world won't help when it comes to Women."

So sayeth a bloke to Jet Li.

Too true. :-)

PaceSetters Coaching

2007-05-11T09:09:00.000+01:00

This last weekend I completed another website. This time for a guy called Ed Jeffrey who is a "Personal Development Coach". It's simple and to the point. Kinda.

So if you're looking for a Scottish Life Coach, then get in touch.

http://www.pacesetterscoaching.com/
or
http://www.pacesetterscoaching.co.uk/

lost prophets

2007-04-19T12:26:00.000+01:00

I have one spare ticket to see the lost prophets this sunday at wembley arena.
Cost of £25

any takers?

Dave Matthews Solo Tour Tickets

2007-02-16T15:22:00.000Z

I have 1 or 3 (Depending on a couple of people who are getting back to me...) spare tickets to go and see Dave Matthews on his solo tour in Oxford on March 2nd (Friday night).

I shall be driving from Luton if you want a lift.
Each ticket costs £37.50, doors open at 7pm, Dave is on at 8pm.

If you are interested then get back in touch -
either leave a comment, or if you know me well enough to have my mobile number then phone :-)

Hope to hear from you soon!!!

Great quote

2007-02-06T22:33:00.000Z

Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick.

so... wheres it from...?

Inspiring

2007-01-29T19:46:00.000Z

Bob just sent me this link....

http://www.petercallesen.com/index/index2.html

I love creativity. I love people practicing and preserving and getting so good at something.

I challenge you to be unimpressed :-)

(Actually I can think of some people who will look at it not be... but hey...)

Music Video

2007-01-28T01:05:00.000Z

Last week I had an amazing creative weekend.
On the Saturday I played for a singer songwriter called Paul Bullen. Great evening. I love playing drums. It was so good to play with a load of chilled out accomplished musicians.
I was sharing the drum throne with a guy called Roger Batting, a drummer who earns a living playing drums. A seriously good drummer. We each played half the gig on drums, and the other half playing percussion.
It was really encouraging. And I got to learn stuff from it, it is a great privilege to be around someone who has been around the block, who has been there and done it. So I set out to enjoy myself, but also to watch and learn from him, and to ask questions. A Master, and a student.

The gig was great. Good fun, good music, good people, and my parents came to see me play which is very cool.

Then Sunday.

Sunday I went to work for Andy (My Bro). Now when I agreed to work I didn't really have a clue what it was all about. I thought the plan was for me to help Andy rig up a lighting rig for a music video shoot, and then at the end help take it down...
All of which is true...
What I didn't realise is that the band is a band tipped for "making" it this year, that the video was to be released on MTV2 in a couple of weeks, and that it was a professional film crew turning up, and that I would be taking a professional position (As the playback boy...) in making it happen :-)
What an experience. Really amazing.

The producer and the camera guy were superb. Really very professional, and very good at their jobs. I learnt a massive amount about how real music videos are shot, and about how good people really are at their crafts.
The camera guy was out of this world. He knew exactly what he was doing. It didn't matter where he was, whether at the top of a 12foot tri-ladder or in a circle pit, or hanging out of a tree, he kept everything in perfectly sharp focus. When he was tracking the lead singer during a shot the guy's head never left the centre.
This guy was good. When he jumped between people in the band, he jump the focus perfectly everytime - by hand.

I was very very impressed.

But what really struck me was that the camera man has 3 runners who were helping him, keeping the wires in the right place, holding the ladder down, passing lenses.
These guys were not just minions. These guys were there because they wanted to learn. They listened to everything the camera man said. They watched everything he did.
There was a master, and there were some students.

Then I realised something else.
Why was I there?
Because I can help rig. I know stuff. I am competent at this type of thing.
Why?
Because there is a master, and I have spent time listening, and learning and experiencing.

Want life? Want to do something well? Want to learn?

There is a Master.
Are you a Student?

Books and chat up lines

2007-01-11T22:28:00.000Z

A couple of weeks ago I was reading a book called "Creating a reading culture" and I came across this quote:

"There was a time when 'Have you read any good books lately?' was a chatup line. Those days are gone."

Wow. I say bring those days back. Along with social dancing, horse riding, sword fighting, wit and manners.
Obviously I am glad of some of the advance our society has made, like drumkits, digital cameras, computers, phones and showers....
but there does seem to be something magical about the whole Pride and Prejudice period.
Especially if you were rich.

so anyway.... you read any good books lately?
;-)

Being Creative

2007-01-09T12:06:00.000Z

If you could create any 3 things, what would they be?

Gig on the 20th Jan

2007-01-08T11:03:00.000Z

I am playing drums in a gig on the 20th Jan.

The artist is called Paul Bullen. He's very funny :-0
The gig is 8.30pm at High Barn. Tickets cost 7.50.

More info at http://www.high-barn.com/events.htm

Si Mason is also playing bass at the gig :-)

Simple rules

2007-01-03T16:42:00.000Z

In life there are a few certain unwritten and unspoken rules by which we can expect everyone to live by...

one of which is:
"If you are flea ridden, you are not allowed on my bed."*

This particular rule keeps being broken by our cat.
I've told him it in clear english, and I think in clear cat.
I've chased him off.
I keep the door shut.

But still he manages to get on my bed.

He seems to make use of the fact that sometimes i need to open the door to go to work,
or the toilet, or to eat, or to... well you get the point.

hmmm.
Cats are still cute though.

*Of course this really only applies to animals and imaginary things. If you are a flea ridden friend of mine and you have need of a bed for the night, then tis cool etc

Its a New Year

2007-01-01T12:57:00.000Z

Happy New Year Wonderful People.

It is now 2007.
So much can change in a year.
I wonder what this year will bring.
What I will do with this precious time I've been given?

Haven't put any thought in to new years resolutions yet.
And I think I might not.

As we were talking last night about hopes and dreams for 2007, someone made the comment that the "survival" is under-rated. That it could be described as a good year if its gotten through.

Hmmm.

I hope to have a breakthrough in my spiritual and emotional life.
I hope to love my friends and to receive their love
I hope to set up a business properly.
I hope to get my website up.
I hope to change the world.
I hope to inspire and encourage some people as they travel on their journey.
I hope to continue to get fitter.
I hope to go to Rwanda.
I hope to really step up as a Learning Mentor.
I hope to chill out a bit and enjoy the present moment!

I also hope a lot of other things. Including writing more blogs....

Clarity

2006-10-30T23:12:00.000Z

a stone dropped,
concentric circles expand;
a disturbed vision,
an unclear reflection.

the morning mist,
whisps floating on the wind;
faint hints in gaps,
the panorama unclear.

MAGIC

2006-10-05T22:40:00.000+01:00

Last Saturday I went on a Coaching Academy course called Magic.
I thought it was going to be a day teaching me how to use coaching skills to help young people.
To an extent it was, but it was a lot more.

It was a day teaching us how to run a course certified by the OCN called Magic.

It's a very simple course for young people, teaching them about motivation, assertiveness, goals, initiative and communication.
Very basic.
The guy who had written the course was teaching us.

I liked him. The more i have thought about him this last week the more inspired by him I have been...

He used to be a cop. In a rough part of Manchester. Towards the end of his time being a cop - quite a high up cop, the police force sent him on a coaching course.
When he got back he thought he'd try it out.
There was a group of shops in a square which kept getting set on fire by kids putting paper through the postboxes.
Duncan (the guys name) went to the local school and got together a group of kids - rough kids - and told them about the problem (which of course they knew about... Duncan thought some of them were the arsonists).
He then set them the task to solve the problem.

They came up with lots of ideas, and eventually settled on one idea.
Duncan got the school and the shop keepers together and they discussed it and tried it out.
None of the shops suffered again.

The next big problem was young people playing football around an old peoples home - cause upset and lots of smashed windows.
Duncan went in to the local school and tried the same thing.
Again the young people came up with a solution.
They tried it.
It worked.

Duncan was shocked at the results.
This was no heavy handed police tactics.
No threats.
No one needed leaning on.

He gave the young people a chance to take responsibility.
To be creative.
To be trusted.
Given the chance to solve a problem.
He inspired them to contribute. To be bigger than they were being.
He gave them through the process a chance to learn other ways of looking at things.
The chance to learn how to work as a group.
A chance to be grow in self-esteem.

Duncan retired from the police force, learnt more about coaching, and went back to his local school with the vision to enable young people to grow, and change and be part of the solution in his area.

His course is simple. It's nothing amazing.
It's not the perfect course, nor the perfect method.
It is good though.
and what's inspiring is that he started.

He “just did it”.

He's helped so many teenagers think more, to become part of the solution to their own problems and the problems in the area.
Duncan has a simple way of looking at it all.

He helps one young person.
That person has 2.5 children.
They all have 2.5 children.
and suddenly there are 10 people being the change in a place.

:-) Simple.

It's not perfect. It's not rocket science.
But he's doing something.
Some thing positive.

Bring it on.

Disclaimer - these are all my words, I'm not totally sure this is how he'd describe it all - but it's what inspired me.

Inspiration

2006-10-05T22:33:00.000+01:00

Last weekend was packed with amazing inspiration.
Thursday night I went to the Circus.
I find it so inspiring to see people do something at such a high level of skill.
Perfectly time after time.
Perfect because actually their lively hood, and often their lives are at risk if they don't.
The hours of practice, perseverance, pain and pleasure that is behind every act they do.

If you need something to inspire you - go somewhere where people are doing things at the level of skill.
It's good for the soul.

Friday night I went to see the Lion King.
Its beautiful.
I had tears in my eyes many times.
SO beautiful.

Then sat I went to a course on coaching young people.
More in next blog

It made me angry

2006-09-27T16:36:00.000+01:00

While in Africa we had the privilage to go on a trip with an AIDS councilor called Lavisa.
It was a heart wrenching and thought provoking day.
We visited one amazing lady whose story has left its mark on me.

Her first husband was a business man who often went to the city for his work.
One weekend he never came back.
He was shot.

She remarried, and had children with another man, and life seemed good.
Till she found out she had AIDS.

She lost everything.
Her husband left her.
She had to move back to her mum's house. Away from her children.

As we spoke with her, I could feel something in myself burning.
She answered everything very graciously. Even questions that I probably shouldn't have asked.
Eventually I asked the one question that was aching in my heart.

"Are you angry that your husband left you?"
"Yes, I am"
Such a simple answer, but it hit me with such force.
It was honest, direct, and delivered with the same calmness as she had answered everything else.

What do you say to that?
What do you say when all you want to do is to cry because of the pain and hurt?

"So am I"

Some thing in my being tells me that God feels the same way.

Back from Africa

2006-09-20T16:30:00.000+01:00

I'm back. :-)

It was an amazing time. So much to think about and try to remember.
If any one is thinking about going to Africa, then do it :-)
I will blog later about some of my thoughts and experiences... I hope. When time allows. :-)

Since coming back I have now started my new job as a Learning Mentor at Denbigh High School with the added part of doing G&T stuff.
If any one has any unique, fun, or out of the box ideas on how help young people get better GCSE results then please do share :-)

First impressions are good, there is a great LM team here, funny, rude, un PC! friendly and so helpful to me. I will learn loads from them, and hopefully give a lot too.
Denbigh seems to have an incredible wider teaching support system. I have not experienced anything like this. Should be an interesting ride.

Other news... I should be moving place of living soon, and I'm well excited about that! Bring it on!

Africa

2006-09-02T09:32:00.000+01:00

Hello :-)

its well past the time i should have blogger.

My time in Kurios has ended,
and
my time at Denbigh High has yet to begin...

I am in a middle time :-)

in Africa.
I'm at the airport just waiting to board.

I am hoping and praying that my time will be deep rest,
and also life changing.

we shall see.

see you when i get back, or else where if i get eaten!!!

Some more broken pride.

2006-04-19T23:28:00.000+01:00

I have read for most of my life the NIV version of the bible - to which many of you will be able to testify - and I have not so secretly shunned many versions. Including the message and the CEV.

While leading Kurios different members of the band have used all sorts of versions, and its become a bit of a joke about my thoughts about the message. But i have been brought down. I have recently found both the CEV and the Message so refreshing. Whereas i used to find that fact that i couldn't even believe they were the same verses being recounted, i have now found that to bring the bible back to life for me. It's like going to a place with which you've been so familiar, and totally rediscovering the magic, and excitment.

So, sorry to anyone who has felt the scorn in my voice about the Message.
I was wrong. very wrong. Its amazing.

ps. I think i still believe the NIV is a more accurate translation of the words, but that the message still accurately translates the truth....

Food and Friends

2006-04-08T12:03:00.000+01:00

What a great combination.

Thank you to everyone who came last night, it was wonderful to see you all again. And thank you for all being game to try some slightly different types of food - especially those people who don't really like veg.

It was a wonderful night of chatting, catching up and laughing... and of course some "bond"ing :-)
There was a really special moment I loved,
when the food had just been served - which was a example of amazing "teamwork" and inititive! - and everyone was eating and chatting, I just sat back and thought about how amazing people really are. How kind, sharing, gentle, funny, friendly, adventurous, shy but brave, outgoing but considerate and just how instrisically good people are.

A room full of people, each of whom are very different, but all wonderful.
Thank you

Creativity

2006-04-05T00:19:00.000+01:00

To use a phrase off Jude's blog: "Creativity eludes me".

Something i have searched for, worked hard to be, dreamed of being, wished for, hoped for, cried for, and prayed for is creativity.

I have wanted it more than most things in my life.
In every area.
In my actions, in my work, in art, in music, in my spirit, and in my heart and relationships.

I remember getting down on my kness (literally) and praying that Jesus would help me be creative.

I love photoshop. I like editing photos, making things like cd covers, or postcards, or websites.
But i never created. I just edited. Changed.
Even in my music, never creating just taking things i've learnt through hard work and practice, and just using those.

This last week though I have been told by 3 people that are very precious to me that one thing they like about me is that I am creative.
I have been so touched by those comments. Thank you.

When I heard those comments, my brains first reaction is to reject what they have said. To say thank you, but that they are mistaken.

But sometimes things change without you noticing.
Looking back even this last term I have had some amazing privilaged moments of being able to be creative. From writing the drums parts and helping arrange Kurios's new CD ( I just received the mixed version... Thanks Ed. Sounds great) in speaking at YFC mid year retreat. In making a website for Flan's new book. In peoples birthday days. In adventures, in relationships.

Thanks to Jesus and all the other people who aided me in my journey of be coming a creative person. and I look forward to continuing the journey with you all. The journey of taking after my Father, the journey of creating. a very cool journey

God360

2006-04-01T01:23:00.000+01:00

Flan has written a great book called God360.

Its 120 experiencial (not sure how to spell that) devotions.

visit the website at http://www.god360.co.uk
and if you like that kinda thing, buy the book - there is a link on the side.

I think its great. :-)

relationship

2006-03-28T12:36:00.000+01:00

More and more i'm getting desperate about my relationship with God and having one, rather than a theology, or systems or facts or nice sayings. Having a relationship with an invisible, powerful, loving, awesome, slightly strange, interested, interesting, unpredictable, never changeing God is amazing and some times quite difficult to work out...

so in friendships different things are appropriate at different times.
Like you don't tell someone you've just met the most intimate details of your thoughts...
You don't hold someones hand the first time you meet someone.

So the big question is: are there things in our relationship with God that are not appropriate at differet times or stages.
If relationships develope over time, are different behavours, experssions and ways of relating good at different times?
Do we allow ourselves the time to develope the relationship or do we expect ourselves to have the perfect relationship straight away?

just a quote

2006-03-16T00:27:00.000Z

A quote which came in to my head.
Not sure who needs to hear it - prob me, but i think it might be for someone else too.

Humilty it not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less
and
Humilty is allowing people to think less of you than you think you deserve.

hmmmm. profound.

ever learn something that blows your mind

2006-03-13T22:34:00.000Z

Today I read something that totally changed the way i understand a passage in the bible.

i have read John 21 v 15-17 many times, and I've heard sermans on it, but what I found out today is something i haven't heard before, and its exciting (and scary).

In the bible there is this character called Jesus, and he has 12 disciples.
One of whom is called Peter.

Peter famously said that he would never desert Jesus. Ever. Even if everyone else did.
Jesus then tells him that before the cock crows the next morning, peter would have denied knowing him three times.

And thats exactly what happens.

Peter is gutted. He goes from proclaiming just how much he loves Jesus, to totally and utterly failing him.

John 21v15-17 is when Jesus has come back to life, and meets up with Peter again, and they have a converstation a bit like this...

Jesus: Peter do you love me?
Peter: yes, you know i love you.
Jesus: Peter, do you love me?
Peter: Yes, you know I love you.
Jesus: Peter, DO you love me?
Peter: You know everything, you know i love you.

Now i know i have left some stuff out about feeding sheep etc,
but the parts above are what i want to focus on.

I've read that, and heard sermans, about how Jesus asks him three times, because Peter had rejected Him three times.
which is pretty cool.

but... thats not a great translation.
try this.

Jesus: Peter do you totally love me. totally?
Peter: You know I am fond of you.
Jesus: Peter, Do you totally love me?
Peter: You know I am fond of you.
Jesus: Peter, are you fond of me?
Peter: Jesus, you know everything, you know that I am.

now that to me is completely different.
so how did i get there?

In greek there are several different words that into english are translated "love"
"Eros" - sexual love
"Agape" - total sacraficial love
"Phileo" - friendship/fond of type of love
and there are others.

Jesus asks peter the first two times if he "agape" loves him,
and peter replys that he "phileo" loves him.
then the third time Jesus asks whether peter "phileo" loves him. and Peter can reply yes.

This is the man who said that he would never never leave,
now being so humble, that he can only say he "phileo" loves Jesus.
and Jesus says thats ok,
and still commissions Peter to be the rock of his church.

that is mind blowing.

Peter can't even say that he totally and utterly loves Jesus.
He can't say "I will never leave you, or desert you"
He can't say "no matter what comes, what pain i feel, I'm yours"

All he can say is, "You're my friend. You know my heart, probably than I do, you knew it better than me last time."

I think Peter says "you tell me to feed your sheep, but you knew last time i let you down, and you know whether I'll let you down again, i don't trust my heart all i can say is that I am your friend. "

Wow wow wow.
what a difference to how i used to read it.

Work

2006-03-11T15:27:00.000Z

Currently feeling under a lot of pressure with the amount of work I need to do this week.
You know when everything seems like its crowding in on you, and you don't have the energy to do any of it. Even when its stuff you really want to do.

But i am in luton for this week. As yet with no fixed timetable.
but i think being at home will be good, even if there is a lot of work to do.

Recording

2006-03-01T01:38:00.000Z

This week I've been recording drums for Kurios' new album.
Its fun. And hard work.

While I've been playing a thought came to me.

If you've never done recording, then imagine sitting in a room, all alone. Totally cut off from everyone else except by a pair of headphones - which someone else controls.

You wait for the click (a metronome) and then you start playing your part.

Now the songs we've recording we have been playing at gigs. I know i can play them. I've played the in front of audiences. But somethings happens when you realise that every note you play, every drum you hit, every sound you make is being recorded. And judged.

Every bit of sound is written on a screen. with lines which tell you how far you missed where you were meant to play it.

You record, and then wait for the people in the control room to tell you how you've done.

Its scary. its total pressure.

At the end of some takes, I go in to the control room and look at what i've played.
its a horrible sight - the computer shows up every mistake, every millisecond I'm out.

Imagine life is like that.

that every thing you do is recorded.
Everything action you make is shown on a screen with your motives, reasons lined up for you to see, and for everyone else to see.

for me thats a scary thought. a very scary though.

if only there was a way to know that as I walk from the recording to the control room that everything i've done is not judged like that.

that thought made me make a mistake as i was playing.
but it was worth it.

a deep thought

kids

2006-02-22T20:01:00.000Z

This week I'm in Troon, a small seaside town on the southwest coast of Scotland.

There is a big team of us and we're having a great time in the local school - Marr College.
Every evening we're eating as a group in a different place, and in the church we were at this evening a pastor was hosting us, and he had his two kids with him.
Kids. So many lessons to learn from there.

As we were eating one of the kids was in a different room, and he wanted his dad for something. So he called.
"dad...... dad..... Daaaaad"

The dad was in the middle of a converstation with someone else at the time, and didn't answer.
so what did the kid do?
"Daaaaad..... Daaaaaaaaaad.... Daaaaaaad, come here"

but the dad kept on with his chatting.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. COME HERE. DDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD"

The dad got up and went to see his son.

Is that what we do? I wonder.

I've not been having the best week this week. I've felt down, discouraged, low, worried, upset, and sick.
and I called out for Dad. - The big Dad upstairs.
and to be blunt, I've felt like he's ignoring me. Just carrying on His conversations.

so what did i do? just get on with stuff. feeling low.

may be I should take Jesus seriously when he said to come like a child.

"DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDD"

childish?
Well, may be, but He started it.

photoshop

2005-05-25T00:38:00.000+01:00

Today i did something i should have done a long time ago that is a big deal to me.

I deleted Photoshop off my computer.

Argh! Is it possible to operate with out Photoshop?
Those of you who don't know me - Photoshop and Notepad are the two most used programs on my computer.
With those two programs I pretty much do everything.

so why did i get rid of it?

Because I don't own it.

I think that now every bit of software on my computer is now legal - and i will spend some time checking that...
I was praying about some stuff, and how to take the band further, and how to bless them, and it hit me - that i was illegally using this bit of software everyday - I decided to delete it... but not until i could afford to buy it... but that too isn't right.
so its gone.
pretty sad - in both ways of looking at it.

Oh well. at the end of the day (or even at the beginning of it) its only stuff.
nice stuff, but just stuff

thank you...

2005-05-23T13:35:00.000+01:00

thank you for some suggestions of girly artists we could cover...

any particular songs?

:-) thank you

a perk of the job

2005-05-22T02:03:00.000+01:00

One of the best parts of my job is that i go around and meet amazing people and hear about their labour, both triumphs and

disappointments, for Jesus.
Where ever we go, I always try and make time just to listen to the people we work with - to hear the stories about peoples

lifes being change, and hearing storys of miricles that have happened. To sharing in their excitment, and to encourage them

when things haven't gone as they had hoped.
What a privilage.
Just to listen to them, and to encourage them on their journey and work. It is so amazing.

But, it gets even better,

I get to help them, to add more energy, input, prayer, stories and ourselves into the work they do.
I get to, even if very briefly, walk alongside them and labour with them.

It really is incredible.

Praise Jesus!

girly rock songs

2005-05-20T18:33:00.000+01:00

Hi :-)
Sorry i've been away for a while. Life has been busy.

but I need your help...

I need some ideas of some decent girly rock/pop tunes for my band to do next year...
please... any ideas would be welcome :-)

love jeff

holiday

2005-04-11T01:12:00.000+01:00

I'm on holiday :-)
So hopefully I'll be able to catch up on my blog.
With doing all my internet through my mobile, it has seemed that blogger.com hasn't liked it and always seems to have crashed when i've tried to up load anything.
So i have some blogs i'will edit this week and put up.

this week i have certain aims:

not to work
to rest and exercise
to chat and catch up with friends
to getr refreshed
to spend some good time with Jesus and see where he wants me to go

and row on the sea :-) may be...

A second chance

2005-04-04T15:43:00.000+01:00

I originally wrote this almost a week ago but problems with my computer and mobiles have stopped me putting it up
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While I was at High school I went on trip with my friends, where we did loads of outward bounds type of stuff.

One of the things was rock climbing and abseiling.

I did the rock climbing - was hard, but i did it. but I couldn't face the abseiling, I was too scared.

I've really regretted that decision. It's been one of those things i would have gone back and changed.

But today, as part of Springfest - which is a week of activities we put on for Crieff's young people - we took them rock climbing and abseiling.

I had to just help out for most of the time, and it was fun watching the guys climb up (the girls were in general quicker and got higher).

It was raining and people got cold and wet... which meant that some of the girls went back to the bus to get warm... which left me a chance to go climbing.So much fun... i need to get some strength back though.

and then i had the chance to abseil.

I went to the top of the cliff - there was only chance for me to do it once, and i looked down. and got scared.

The temptation was there to walk down and to encourage 2 of our young people who too were scared.

but no way.

This was a chance to do something i should have done a long time ago.

So i did.

and loved it.

was so gutted i only got one go.

but, if you have not done something you should have because of fear. face it. please.

(if its something you haven't done, and you shouldn't do, then please don't!)

make a list of some of the stuff fear has robbed you of, and then do those things. how ever hard it is.

Then, in this evening we had karaoke night.

I'm get so scared of singing in front of people - singing is something i want to be able to do well - and i know i can't.

so many times fear has stopped me doing karaoke.

so... i took my own advice... and jumped in.

and sang... (even did some dancing) and got laughed at,

and then to prove to myself i could do it more times than once, sang 5/6 songs, mainly with other people, but did it.

It feels good.

Another thing this week has been total honesty. Letting someone ask what ever question they wanted to, and making sure i gave full and honest answers - even when fear told me i would be rejected.

In the bible it talks about perfect love driving out fear -

I've lived with different kinds of fear all through my life - and i know i have other fears,

but as I'm learning more about God's love for me- and having my security in that, not what other people think, i think i'm being less bound.

For me its taken a lot of prayer and a lot of time - and it will continue to, but hey, tonight i feel great that i've done a couple of things fear has stopped me doing before.

links to other blogs

2005-03-19T21:50:00.000Z

Does any one know how to put a list of links to other peoples sites/blogs up?
I know it sounds easy, but i can't work out how to do it.
any ideas?

Influence

2005-03-19T21:45:00.000Z

Sitting on my bed I’m thinking back over this week. It’s been a busy and eventful week with a lot of things to think about. One subject though, seems to have come up over and over.

Influence.

Have you ever thought about what influence you have on other people?

We influence people all the time. We think about it some of the time when we try and be good role models, or people with good character, etc. Some of the time though we forget what influence we do have on people, and sometimes its much greater than we think.

This was brought home to me very clearly when I was at boys group and a guy called Tam came in and told me he had got my message.

I had no idea what he was talking about.

Tam is a teacher at a local school, a maths teacher. Now most people who know me, know about my further maths classes. Our year is still very much remembered by the maths department.

<>At this school we have been running a course called "Fame Academy" where we have been coaching some bands to play and perform better together. One particular band had a lot of problems with the idea of moving, so we spent some time getting them to dance and to lose their fear of looking silly in front of other people.

This is a hilarious session... in which Roger and I basically dance like idiots to prove that it is possible to move, and enjoy it, in that in front of people. This class took a lot of hard work to get moving, and at the end a couple of the girls as they were leaving said they were going back to Mr McNut's class. I replied with a throwaway remark.

"To lose the fear, you just have to do all this stuff in front of people - like, when you're in your class with Mr McNut you should stand on the table, and do a dance. Ff you get in trouble just tell the teacher that I told you to do it... Mr McNut will find it funny... I hope"

So these girls go back to class, and one of them says to Mr McNut. "Sir, I have a message from Jeff, can I give it to you?" He said yes, and up she gets on the table and does a crazy dance and sits down.

<>Tam is Mr McNut.
I never expected her to actually do it!
Crazy huh. I think I may need to be careful about what I influence other people to do.

Influence is powerful. We influence people every day, and most of the time we don't realise it. We don't realise the power of some of our small statements or actions, yet they affect over people greatly.

< style="font-family: arial;">When I think about it. I'm glad Tam saw the funny side!!!

competitiveness

2005-03-13T00:08:00.000Z

I spent my evening with a couple from church, Chris and Louise, and stewart...

we ate and chatted, and then played trival pursuits.
It was so interesting watching different peoples styles of playing.

Some people play to win. They have to win.

I couldn't find it any where in me to want to win, or to even pretend to want to win.
Got me thinking about being competitive.
I've never really been competitive about any thing, or i suppose on the surface.
I don't care if i lose at games (apart from Bond... but since being in kurios i've pretty much lost most games), but I do care if I don't reach the standards I set in drumming, in leading, in self control, in life.

Actually I am very competitive, just not against other people.
I will fight to improve things, I will fight for a belief or cause, I will fight against things that are wrong - and i will fight hard. I will not want to lose.
If one of my friends or family were in danger, I would fight. To win their safety.

but still i can't bring it up in myself to want to win trival pursuits....
oh well - prob a good thing as I have no general knowledge....

Luton

2005-03-10T00:15:00.000Z

I have just had a whistle stop trip to Luton.
There for just 2 days.

It has been really good.
Got to see some of my good friends, and also my Dad, Mum and brother.
Which was so cool.

Unfortunatly there were several people i didn't get to see and that was a bit upsetting.

When ever i have some time off I think of all the things i could do with it, and still it shocks me how quickly time goes.
I didn't get much of the "work" i had planned to do done. Why do i plan work for when i'm meant to be having time off?
I didn't get much of my personal stuff done either.

But seeing my friends was very refreshing. I needed that.
Those of you I did see, thank you very much.
For those of you i didn't see, I'm really sorry, I would have loved to have seen you.
Time always puts a limit on what is possible.

Everyone... go to gadget shop and buy the shocking guns... they are amazing. They hurt just enough to make you not to want to be hit :-) !!!

Exercise video pt 2 and not being a girl

2005-03-02T10:45:00.000Z

Ok. I have now done it 3 nights in a row.
And my stomach hurts :-)
In fact the last "warm down" section literally has us all screaming/shouting in pain.
I know, its pretty pathetic.
But this is us doing more exercise than we have done in quite a while :-)
Of course, now any one who visits will have to enjoy the experience!

But... It has been said that I might be turning in to a girl.
I reject that.
Yesterday on my way to a school we were driving alone a road with a sharp drop either side, and we hit a bad patch of ice (it had snowed all night), and i had to wrestle with the minibus to save us (from may be not death but needing a new minibus and embarrasment, and prob some minor injurys).
All with out any panic or emotional outburst.
(you should have seen it, it was pretty impressive. Needless to say that I drove a bit slower after that. I already was going slower than normal on that road, I wasn't being silly)

Then we got to school - found out we were working in the town hall.
In the town hall was a big hall with a balcony, and some gym stuff.
So in a break, out came the crash mats, and then us very "girly" boys jumped off the balcony on to the crash mats below :-)
Very much fun.

then...
on the way home from school we were driving past a loch and realised that it was frozen. So we stopped the van and went to have a look. Of course, Roger and I went on the ice to try it out... i got about 1 or 2 metres out... then fell straight through :-) Roger came to help me, and fell straight through too... :-)

It wasn't very deep... but was very very very cold. And fun!
And that was just one day...

Then this morning I was crawling under my van to attach a tow rope so we could tow the van till it started... blah blah blah...

:-) Just in case any one was worrying that I had lost the plot :-)

Laptop and phone...

2005-03-02T10:42:00.000Z

You really can work anywhere...
I'm in a garage getting our van fixed and working in the reception. Its amazing. No

one comes in and interupts.
May be i should come here next time I need to get loads of work done.
The crazy thing is that with a phone and a laptop I have access to internet. I can

talk to people over the phone... etc.
Weird. and of course there are no cables...

Encouragement

2005-03-01T00:29:00.000Z

Last sunday night (27th feb) Kurios led the baptist churches service again.
Its amazing that the pastor has that much trust in us to hand over all control to us like that. Its a privilage.
The service went well, ie we led the congregation in worship and prayer and paul challenged and encouraged them through romans 14.

The congragation were very encouraging.

but for me a lady came up to me and said something that really really touched me.

She's between 60 and 80 (I'm not good at working out peoples ages).
She came up to me and said something a long the lines of...

I really have a problem with the drums. Pastor Richard has often talked about possibly bringing in the drums one in to crieff baptist church, and i always declared that when they come in, I would go out.
I came to your last service just to support you, because i believe in the work you are doing. And i came out of the service touched.
For a long time, its not just the fact that drums are loud, and that its not my type of music, but drums really seem to stir up something primitive in me. It makes me want to scream and run. to get out of the building.
FOr some reason i was able to stay in the last service. SO i dared to come again tonight.
Again I was really able to worship God, even when the music (and the drums) got louder I was able to worship, more and more.
I don't know what it is, may be its the way you play, but i think God has done something in me, so the next time Pastor Richard talks about getting drums in the church, I will listen.

Isn't that just amazing! Jesus was so kind to this lady. She was actually scared of the drums, but she still came to support us, and now Jesus has done something in her so she could enjoy herself worshipping with us.

I am so touched by that lady's honesty.

Angela Griffins work out

2005-03-01T00:26:00.000Z

At the start of this year (academic) one of my goals was to try and start getting a bit fitter... it hasn't really happened. I've been too busy - and too bad with my boundaries to make it happen. Its something i want to do, but obviously i don't want to do it enough to actually make it happen.
I was challenged about this when i read some old entries in my journal, and i prayed one of those dangerous prayers.
I asked God to give me opportunities to get fit. Since then I've had to run to get to shops before they've shut, I've had to unpack and pack lots of vans. I've had to jump to encourage young people to jump... and Caroline bought Angela Griffins work out video...

Its got five sections...
a warm up
a pop section
a hiphop section
a salsa section
and a warm down section

so... we've started doing it.. time seems to fly pretty quick, but its about an hour long i think, and its basically doing some simple dance routines.
I say simple... but I can't quite manage them yet.
It has nothing to do with pop, hiphop or salsa, but it is fun.
and painful
The warm down section just hurts. like being hit a lot in the stomach :-)

we've only done it twice, but after my first time, I made it compulsery for everyone to do it tonight (apart from paul who has a hernia).

its so much fun!!!
so please keep me to it. I want to get a bit fitter :-)

does any one have any idea who Angela Griffin is? - its quite funny, but she's not great at it, I like the fact that she is on it as well as her trainer... cause she makes me feel better when i don't quite get how to do it!!!

Van part 3

2005-02-26T02:12:00.000Z

Driving the van is actually quite fun, but it does struggle up hills.
My driving style means that i like to keep a constant speed whether on the flat or going up a hill ( i quite like getting that bit faster on down hills though). But it made me think,

Once, quite a while ago now, i was on a bike ride with a friend of mine. He was a lot faster cycler than i was, but when riding, if i got to a hill i pedaled faster so that i didn't slow down - which makes for a very tiring ride.
My friend commented on this fact when we got back home. "You always seem to keep up the pace, even when going up hills"

As i was thinking about that story, I started realising something about the way i live my life.

I have never given myself any excuses for slowing down.
If i get short with someone, I don't think being tired is an execptable excues.
If i have a lot of work on, I don't think that show slow down me meeting people
If i'm ill, I still think i should be able to work
When i was depressed and on medication, I didn't think that was execptable excuse to do less, and listen to less people.

I think i need to address this. I'm not sure its a right thing.

Van part 2

2005-02-26T02:07:00.000Z

After we got the van running this morning, i parked it at the church where this evenings gig was happening. Unloaded it. Did the gig. Packed the van... did it start? no. of course not. it was midnight, you could see you breath very clearly, and it didn't start. No amount of jumping it from out minibus did anything.

our van packed weights 3.480 tonnes. With no one in it. and we were parked on a hill.

so i rolled the van backwards down the hill, then shocked it into reverse :-) and it started.

Jesus was good!

Vans

2005-02-25T12:23:00.000Z

A couple of weeks ago my boss asked me if we needed a new van next year, or would this one make it another year.
Personnally (not knowing much about vehicles) i thought it would survive another year.

since then we have had to jump start it 3/4 times, buy a brand new battery, and then call out the break down people. who couldn't get it to start until we towed it. and also need to buy a new oil cap, because either it was left somewhere, or it came off while driving... who knows?

(interestingly enough, when you jump start a deisel its very different from a petrol call. YOu leave the ignition on, put it in second gear and then get towed, slowly put on the clutch and it starts... how cool is that!!)

so... our van... will it last another year?
My band are asking a different questions... "will it last this year?" but hey for some reason they think everyone else has limitless money and YFC prints it. weird people. will be interesting to see them when they have to earn a living :-)

Books

2005-02-19T12:53:00.000Z

I've been a bit slack in the whole book department. things have been a bit crazy around here so less reading has been done. but...

Now discover your strengths was good and inciteful. i'll need to read it again for it to really help me lead/manage people. I think i disagree on a couple of parts with its idea, but mostly its great, and will save some people a lot of time and disappointment continuously working on their weaknesses when they should be working in and on their strengths

after that I read Nick Hornby's "high fidelity" - not sure that counts as a thought provoking/inspiring book, but its a very good book. very well written and i understand a lot of what ROb feels in it :-)

then I read Corrie ten Boom's "in my Fathers House" - its a great book - very inspiring, it is all about her life as she grows up, and the stories about what helped form her, and how she got to know Jesus and stuff like that. Its very easy to read, and very powerful

I'm about to start reading Neil Andersons "The Bondage Breaker"

I've got my computer back :-)

2005-02-19T12:51:00.000Z

I have got my computer back. It feels good. Especially nice now the power stays in and i can just use it.
Very nice that i have the internet again.
SO hopefully I'll be blogging again more.

My Dad was amazing in sorting my computer out for me. Thank you Dad

What wouldn't Jesus do?

2005-01-28T21:29:00.000Z

Bob sent me a very cool present.

Its a T-shirt with Jesus hang gliding on it, with the words, "what wouldn't Jesus do?"

i think thats great :-) very often prob more appropriate for me than "what would Jesus do?" so many times when i've asked that question to myself, i've realised that Jesus wouldn't be in that situation!!!

But there are many times when i'm thinking about doing stuff... silly stuff, when i should ask that question, "What wouldn't Jesus do?"

Jesus prob wouldn't have a huge fight with the lead singer of his band... some one he's leading for year, in a kitchen.... and leaving him in pain for several days...

Jesus prob wouldn't force his band into a river to try and get a cool photo...

Jesus prob wouldn't have a mohawk.

looking back at those, actually in the circumstances, may be he would.

there were good reasons for each one :-0

bible verses

2005-01-28T21:19:00.000Z

Week 1
Psalm 37v37 - think i've said that one before

Week 2
Jeremiah 15v19
Therefore this is what the Lord says:
"If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me;
If you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman.
Let this people turn to you,
but you must not turn to them.

Week 3
Ephesians 5v15
Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

Week 4
Isaiah 49v2
He has made my mouh like a sharpened sword,
in the shadow of his hand he hid me;
he made me ino a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver

I've spent time with these verse,
they are amazing, but my mind is so rubbish at remembering stuff, so they are still not properly in there.
when i get some time i'll write up some of my thoughts about them. If they are interesting, to me any way.

Books

2005-01-28T21:12:00.000Z

Catch up on the books i've read...

After finishing "Thinking for a change" by John Maxwell - which is really good... really made me think about thinking, and different ways of thinking. Now if only i had the time to put all of what he said in to practice, i'd prob become a highly succseful person... (thats what it said on the front of the book... paraphrased) but what is succses? blah blah blah,

i then read "Facing up" by Bear Grylls.
its great, a very frank and honest, and fun account of Bear's climb up mount everest. Its amazing, i never knew anything about high altitude climbing. its mental. A very inspiring book, all about taking things step by step, and going beyond what you think is possible. Also so much wisdom about not going to the top at some prices. was amazing. Thank you Jude.

Now reading "Now, use your strengths" no idea who it is by... This book is all about using what we are good at, our talents, adding some knowledge and some skill and doing some amazing stuff with our strengths - rather than always focusing on our weaknesses.
really interesting read, and you get a weblink to find out your top 5 themes... which can be turned in to strengths etc. I like the idea. Will say more when i finish. Thank you Mel :-)

No computer

2005-01-28T21:05:00.000Z

Due to my computer being ill and in need of repairs I haven't had access to the net for a while, apart from stuff at work.. but thats work related.

It's actually been ok, i thought i'd find it a lot harder to live with without my computer, but there has been so much other stuff to do that i haven't missed it that much,

I've missed reading mails properly, and reading other peoples blogs.
I've missed righting my blog, and getting some of my admin done properly.

I've missed having the easyness of preparing stuff which a computer makes so easier...
had to prepare a talk... and eneded up writing loads of stuff on bits of paper, then putting them in the right order... changing the order etc... and then coping them all out again. :-) old style!!!

so, still i have no computer, and what have i learnt?

that it was one of those things i was beginning to get worried about that i loved it too much, some thing i relied on.
Well, it seems i don't. Which is so cool.
throught out my life it seems that Jesus has taken away anything that I have put above him, and it seems that not having my computer has been part of that.
I love Jesus teaching me stuff.

New year resolutions...

2005-01-03T18:55:00.000Z

My new years resolutions are:-

1) to read a thought provoking book a month
2) to learn a bible verse a week
3) to find a mentor
4) to go on holiday

first bible verse is

Psalm 37v37
Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future for the man of peace

first book is

Thinking for a change - John Maxwell

Happy Christmas

2004-12-25T12:52:00.000Z

Happy Christmas every one :-)
I hope you have a lovely day and that Jesus blesses you lots.

As a band we did a Christmas gig just under a week ago and i was thinking about what to say, about how to explain Christmas to the young people coming.

I think the message of Christmas is simple - and its something that most people do know, or have heard about sometime at school.

Christmas is God shouting as loud as He can that He loves us.

Through out the history of humans God had sent leaders, and messangers to tell us that He loves us, and how we can live with a good relationship with God. But as so often is the case, we started to ignore God and forget our relationship with Him, and we forgot that God loved us.

God wanted us to remember that He loved us, and that we could live knowing Him, so after we had ignored Him and all His other messangers He sent His son to tell us that He really loved us.

So Jesus was came. God wanted everyone to beable to hear and connect with Jesus so he sent Jesus as a baby - every race, and every people type have babies... babies are understood by most people. Jesus came into a very poor family to that no one would feel to poor to accept the message.

In fact, God went a long way to come and tell us that He loved us, He did everything thing He could to tell everyone He could that He loves you.

Thats what Christmas is all about.

A present of Love.

He Is.

2004-12-08T01:48:00.000Z

Don’t try to understand
Don’t try to describe him
You can’t even begin to imagine
He is far too big to comprehend
He knows more than there is to know
He thinks things that cannot even be thought
He sees things that can’t be seen
He does thing you think are impossible
He makes dreams look normal
The universe is smaller than a speck of dust next to him
There are not enough words in every language that can even begin to explain him

There are no explanations,
There are no excuses
There are no words more powerful

He needs no explanation,
He needs no excuse,
He needs no description,
He needs no reason,
He needs no help,
He needs no permission,
He needs no creator,
He just is.

You can’t explain him,
You can’t describe him,
You can’t imagine him,
You can’t reason him,
You can’t see him,
He just is.

stuff to learn

2004-12-03T17:25:00.000Z

I have a lot to think about

Before i started my job i knew a had a lot to learn.

As i continue doing it i realise just how much i didn't realise i had to learn.
From simple things like communicating what i want done and telling people the plans for the coming weeks/months i a good way.
to
Helping people realise what they are doing wrong, and how they can improve, things such as public speaking in classes, and also how people can work on their character. I'm still desperatly needing to learn a good way of telling people when i think their behaviour could be improved, especially when its things like moaning, or not speaking positively, or being late, or stuff like that, because i know how much i get that wrong to. But its my job.
I also need to learn how to have confidence that actually sometimes i do know better, and even if they don't like it, that some things do need to be done the way i say.

I find it hard. especially if they don't and i then have to tell them off.

I really want a mentor to teach me/model some of these simple things, and to be able to encourage me when i get them right, and how to do it better when i get them wrong. My boss, and my wise friends do this quite a bit, but i kinda want to have some proper time learning. not sure when though

today also challanged me a lot about how to talk about Jesus to people who don't believe in him.
We had a visiting speaker with the band today who spoke at our lunch time gig in the school.
I have no problems whatsoever about talking about Jesus in a gig, if people know what they are coming to.
but today challanged me. about how to do that. and i'm not sure how to do it right.

these are some of my ideas.

I want people to know about Jesus, and to believe in Him, because of what I know of Him and about him, and how he effects peoples life (especially mine)
but
I can't ever force any one to be a Christian - i can't force any one to believe in Jesus - thats impossible, and i don't ever want to manipulate people to thinking they have to.

because you can't believe in something by force, or manipulation - it has to because you believe.

I don't think i know how to say what i'm thinking.
I think all my non-christian friends know i'm a christian and what i believe, but i don't think i talk about it all the time - may be i should talk about it more - but i am so consciense that i don't want someone to believe just cause i've said something over and over, but because its not real for them.
still not sure how to say that.

I'd rather someone thinking about it and then ask questions - and then i feel free to answer, rather than answering questions someone has not asked.

I'd like to say stuff/ or live i a way to prompt questions, but i want to respect people who don't believe. Belief has to come from believing in something.
how does someone come to believe? i'm not sure,

from hearing about something lots till it makes sense?
from experiencing something?
from hearing about something, and thinking it through?

i don't know.

i think its by hearing, and then exploring, and then the HOly Spirit enabling someone to believe - and that i leave up to the Holy Spirit.

I'll try and talk - and try not to force/manipulate - and then pray lots.
but at the same time i don't want to compromise at all on the message of Jesus.

am i making any sense?
Any ideas?

i think i just want to tell people what i believe, (wanting them in my heart to believe in Jesus too and being honest about that) and try and explain it the best i can, but leave them with the option of exploring and believing, rather than trying to force them to believe.

and if they do believe? great :-) I'll praise Jesus

and if they don't? I'll praise Jesus for the opportunity, and will be sad - but will still love and respect the people who made that choice - i would rather someone say "i don't believe mate, i think you're mad" than someone say "I believe" and not mean it- but saying it cause either everyone else did, or because of the way the question was put to them.

sometimes speakers remind me of an NTL sales person who came to our door with the question
"do you want cheaper phone calls?"

but really meaning - do you want an NTL phone line.

If i said yes then said no to the NTL line, i'd look silly.
but if i said, "no" i don't want cheaper phone calls" that'd look silly to.

the question was really a matter of

"do you want to stay with BT or have an NTL line?"
becuase BT might be more expensive... but at least it works...

does that make sense - i want to say things in a way where people are not pressurised in to saying one answer or another, but feel free to make their own choice.
and i want it to be their choice if they even hear what choices they have.

is this a good way to think? and i hope i haven't pressuriesed any one in to replying one way or another!!!!

I really want to work out a good way for me to communicate.

any thoughts?

2004-11-29T21:24:00.000Z

What do people make of Luke 17v1-10

off to Ullapool

2004-11-27T10:52:00.000Z

we're off to Ullapool...
but in tiding the house this morning, I found out the sink was blocked.... fun :-)

to do that we had to clear out the undersink cupboard....

and we found a mousetrap... which was empty... but under that was a dried up pool of mouse blood.

good morning :-)

also Page our neigbour... ( a pony) decided to lick my crutch yesterday.

random

Words

2004-11-26T10:40:00.000Z

Sometimes i have been tempted to think that as long as you have communicated what you wanted to communicate it doesn't matter how you do it - or what words you use.

In fact, even in my band we sometimes communicate with each other in ways that would make no sense to any one else, either using our own words, or just "nothing" words. Like "can you put the thingys in the thingy please before you go" which makes sense in context (Can you put the plates in the dishwasher before you go), but could acutally mean a lot of things.. like can you put the cars in the garge please... or can you put the flames in the fire before you go... or can you put the bullets in the gun... etc.
And while that is fine in that context we mustn't forget that the words we use are so important.

I was at our music workshop night on wednesday and one of the young people called Katie (one of the helpers) a "chief" - now when people swear or use inappropriate language at the club we say stuff like "bryan, language!" ... which in this case I did. He looked so confused, and asked why i had told him off - well to me if you called some one a chief its an insult - but it seems to most other people its a compliment.
Even in my band to some of us its a compliment, and to others its an insult... so i can insult one of my band members while they think they are being complimented... genuis!

But it raises and interesting (and obvious point) that it is important to know what words to use in different places :-)

But so much more than know local meanings etc, it is important to be careful not to (ever) speak the wrong words over people.

Words are so powerful - any one who has been bullied know its.
When i was growing up the word "just" was so painful - i was "just" jeff - "oh look some ones coming, oh its just jeff" etc - and for ages that word hurt me. being "just" jeff made me feel i didn't matter.
Again at school i was called lots of hurtful things - and the problem is, if you tell people enough that they are something, you begin to believe it. And thats not good.

Over the last week or so Jesus has been talking to be about the use of words,

Jeremiah 15:19
Therefore this is what the LORD says: "If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman.

thats awesome.

Proverbs 18:21
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

and it also says:-

Luke 6:45
The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
- thats scary.

Have you ever found yourself saying things that you'd rather not say? Ever thought about where they come from?

I think words can come from a number of different places

1) Jesus - when we get those amazing thoughts in our heads/hearts with just the right words to say to bring life and hope
2) Devil - when some words/thoughts pop in your head which are off the wall and not you at all and are wrong

and

3) Your heart - words which come from how you're feeling, and up out of all the things you listen to, and habits and patterns you've got in to.

If you play a computer game with a lot of swearing in it - its more likely you will use those words normally, or when something bad happens. If you are around people who use certain insults or phrases its likely you will pick those up as well.
In fact i've found that a lot here in my band - because we live, work and socalise together we all pick up each others phrases.... its funny... some thing will happen- and now random members of my band will say "you know what that means... it means that Jesus loves you" - which is one of my phrases... but also, if someone says something like "you look silly" then most will reply "your Mum" - because thats one phrase another member of my band uses all the time.

We need to guard our hearts - in fact it says in the bible -
Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
and make sure that we don't get in to habits of speak that tear people down - but get in to habits of building people up - and of praising Jesus.

Another thing happened this week that made me think about words. Some one said to one of my friends that she just likes to think of herself as an artist.

That made me mad. She is an artist - as much as I am a drummer. or a band leader.
but it reminded me of how times i have spoken with people that someone has said something like that to them.
Things like "thats a dead dream" - about someones major passion and dream, which they are gifted in.
or
"you? a musician? you're not serious" - about a guy who is one of the best musicians i know.

In all those circumstances those people have felt totally hurt and rejected, and confused about what they are doing.
They have felt like, am I an artist? Is it a dead dream? Can i be a musician?
Which is exactly what the devil wants people to think - to doubt the gifts that God has given them, to doubt who they are, and to doubt the God who has made them.
The power of these words need to be broken. If i hear stuff like that i will often say this prayer out loud at the moment. "i break the power of those words in the name of Jesus" or something like that. But if you have had stuff spoken over you like that - get prayer.

The habits and the reasons for saying those words also needs to be dwelt with.
IF you have often found yourself saying stuff you don't like, or using certain words you don't think Jesus would like, then stop and think.
where are these words coming from? Do i need to get my heart sorted? And some unhelpful habits broken?

To many of us don't think enough about what we say and whether its right or wrong. And how it effects other people.

Jeremiah 15:19
Therefore this is what the LORD says: "If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman.

salvation and strength

2004-11-20T12:30:00.000Z

Over the last few weeks i've found myself getting more and more busy,
and working more and more hours, and getting tireder and tireder.

which is wrong.

it has got to the point when i have felt over this last week totally run down and empty. with nothing to give. and no time to give, or even to refresh.

even my heart has felt empty, when i have come to Jesus, i have nothing to say, or think to him. even prayer has felt empty when i've actually come to pray.

So i've been asking Jesus to give me strength, and wisdom, to get on top of all the work and sorting things out.

and Jesus has kept bringing me back to these verses:-

Isaiah 30v15
This is what the Sovereign LORD , the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it. "

and

Lamentations 3v25+26
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD .

So obvious, and verse I know, and love.
but i had forgotten to practice them. just 1 month ago i was, i would have to spend so much time with Jesus (well what time i had to relax was all spent making sure my strength came from him) and now i feel dead. - i had forgotten to spend the time needed on my knees.

and my gracious Jesus has brought me back to this point. Again.

in repentance and rest - salvation
in quietness and trust - strength

hope in Jesus and wait for him - thats a good thing to do.

a wise thing to do. and for me a vital thing to do.

and a hard thing to do.

This morning Jesus gave me another verse to think about :-

Jeremiah 15v19
Therefore this is what the Lord says:
"If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me;
if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman."

Repentance.
Rest.
Quietness.
Trust.
worthy words.

another lesson to learn. again and again.

Praise Jesus that this is a journey and these lessons are not rules.
Praise Jesus that he left us his Holy Spirit to remind us :-)

willing? able?

2004-11-09T23:23:00.000Z

I chatted to a guy yesterday...

and in our conversation he said this.

"Muslims have to give a 1/40th of their earnings
Jews have to give 1/10th of their earnings.
but what does the bible say that Christians have to give?
Everything."

That got me thinking. Would i be ready to give everything?

In taking this job I thought long and hard about this - because to take this job I had to give up my life as i knew it. All my plans, some of my dreams, a lot of my fear and some pride. I had to give up ideas and some ideals. I had to give up convenience. I had to give up some security. I had to lay down some relationships and have the chance of losing some friends.
In a lot of ways i had to give up my life in trust of Jesus to take this job.

and if he didn't turn up i was going to fall flat on my face.
And He has been faithful. totally.

But the question resurfaces now.

am i will to give everything. everything. - that means every (all) thing (ie everything!!!!!)

Am i willing to be totally used and burnt out?
AM i willing to not buy any CD's and give the money away?
Am i willing to be thought of as less than i am?
Am i willing to try and fail?
Am i willing to be hated because of what i believe?
AM i willing to live with out a phone, or a computer or the internet?

Am i willing to be replaced, totally in organisations, and peoples hearts?
Am i willing to be cold, hungry and thirsty?
Am i willing to be beaten, hurt and rejected?
AM i willing to save money and not use a credit card?
Am i willing to give up boasting?
am i willing to give up all my rights? and all my gripes?
am i willing to allow myself to learn all that Jesus wants to teach me. in whatever way He wants to teach me.
am i willing to love someone who has hurt me, and will probably hurt me again?
am i willing to trust someone i don't know is trustworthy?
am i willing to put my life in Jesus's hands?
am i willing?

am i willing to give everything?

what about you?

would you give up all these things :-

dreams?
desires?
hopes?
fears?
skills?
passions?
money?
possessions?
job?
friends?
family?
security?
country?
house?
warmth?
rights?
your breakfast?
life?

scary thing to think about.

could you love anyone enough to be willing to give all of that up?

some hard lessons to learn

2004-11-03T00:34:00.000Z

Today I learnt somethings the hard way.
I left to go to the after school club at Logos, and ended

up having to go back home, and then i set out again. But

this time was a bit late.
So i drove a bit quicker (60mph), was just slowing down to

go round a corner at the top of a hill(45mph) when i saw

another car coming the other way.
I had a simple choice.

1) To try and break and hope that we wouldn't hit too hard

and that all the air bags would work.

2) to try and go round the car (and stop) and hope that

ROy (the boss of the person who is the boss of my boss)

didn't mean what he said about bashing me up if i hurt the

car.

I tried to go around.
and missed the other car (who was in the middle of the

road....)

and ended up grounded with the left side of the car in a

ditch.

We thanked Jesus that we were still alive, and I got out

and went to see the other person, who had stopped but

hadn't got out to see how we were.
I found out it was an old lady, who was in shock at the

close call.

If i had hit her, even very slightly she would prob be

dead.

Our car was well and truly stuck. But through some miricle

looked to be all in one piece.

and I mean a miricle. We had slid - with the center of the

car being grounded, for about 20 feet.

And Praise Jesus that we didn't panic.

It was quite fun as a team pulling the car out of the

ditch with the van - but in a lot of ways thats just

looking for a silver lining.

to be honest the thought that i could be fired did go

through my mind.
The thought of what was i doing, did too.
The thought of I am an idiot was there as well

Was i being reckless?

No i don't think so, i could have done the corner slower

but it actually wasn't that fast.

was i tired so reacted slower?

Yes i think so. I think the last few weeks have made me

exhausted.

so what have i learnt.

1) i was late. so what... trying to make my self less late

meant that i missed it and have suffered from shock for

the evening.

2) that stuff is just stuff. we got out of the car and

were so thankful that we were alive that actually for a

while we didn't really think about the car.

3) the working together as a team we got the car out of

the ditch

4) that to a local farmer his cows were more important...

he said he'd come back and help after feeding his cows :-)

5) that i NEED time off - proper time off, time to rest,

flying to weddings doesn't count.... I NEED time to sleep.
To lead a team i need to be rested and not stressed.

6) That Jesus is gracious to me, so gracious. the car

should have been damaged beyound repair. and its not.

I text my mum to pray for me... and she sent back psalm

40v2

never has that verse meant so much to me.
and he really did.

now its time for me to learn some other lessons...

how to look after money...
how to look after time...
how to look after myself...
how to look after my team...

another day. another week, another month, another year.

as time moves on

2004-11-01T16:33:00.000Z

Was just thinking about friends, time and distance.

and the progression of events, relationships and memory.

Focus.

Most things depend so much on where our focus is.

a good morning

2004-10-23T18:02:00.000+01:00

This morning has been interesting.

my alarm went off at 3.30am.... i went to bed around midnight... and i got up just afer 4.
I got in to my car and drove 56 miles to edinburgh airport to get on a plane to go to J and J wedding :-)

it was dark while driving so the journey was pretty quick... country roads :-)

I got to the airport... and found that i had left my wallet at home.
so i didn't have any id. i couldn't check in.

Was gutted. Phoned Mum... woke her up - oops, and she was calming.

I changed my flight time... and realised i couldn't pay to get out of the car park...
chatted to nice man and he let me out for free.
Drove 56 miles back to my house, woke up some of my team to let me in the house... then drove 56 miles back, and now i'm checked in and waiting to board.

so. basically everything went wrong. and i almost got very upset and stressed.
but the journeys were amazing.
Scotland is beautiful, and i got to see the same stretch in total darkness, in the light before the sun comes up, and in risen sun.

Jesus is awesome, i mean in a totally stressful situation i was able to worship him for the beauty that was so evident, i'll see if i can put some pictures up,

there were moments when you had low cloud, but could just see the top of the big hills peaking out the top, and then low miss with trees just showing over the top.

man, mist, trees, hills and rising sun. now thats a beautiful combination.

thank you Jesus

now for a flight and the wedding :-)

bond and whiskey

2004-10-22T01:07:00.000+01:00

So teams sometimes take on attributes of their leaders.

sometimes this is a good thing. other times this is a bad thing. and other times its just amusing.

we've had some hard days with lots of stuff going wrong. and we've prayed together and spent time making stuff work together - unfortunatly i didn't get us to worship together, which i should have done,

but tonight i decided that we would chill out together. and just be. together.

so we got some whiskey, beer, pringles and bicardi in and played bond infront of a beautiful roaring fire.

it was a lot of fun.

so good to see tension drop and just for an evening all of us forget some of the hard stuff.

is this right? I'm not sure. I'm not sure its wrong.

but it happened. and we all laughed together, we all screamed (in love.....) at each other when we died. I got progressively better at bond the more whiskey i had....

we all really enjoyed having fun

i don't know if we can ever do this again with as much effect, or even if we should

but what i do know,
the as a team we are more of a team,

and i hope Jesus enjoyed us having community.

I think he was there. and I know he loves us, and i know we love him

whiskey and bond = worship?

i hope it could be

I don't have any answers. Well may be a couple.

2004-10-21T00:19:00.000+01:00

I don't have the answer.

that's a phrase i keep wanting to say, shout, scream, whisper or cry.

I keep getting asked questions i don't know how to answer. Sometimes because i can't find out, sometimes because there isn't an answer, and other times becauses i didn't even think to ask that question myself...

EVery time i have to say "i don't know" i feel like i have let people down. I still think that i should know the answers. There are some questions i really should know the answers for, but others I should learn how to feel free to say, I don't know.

One of the hardest things about it is the constant feeling of having to think. Having to think fast, "what questions might i need to answer?" "what is happening next?" "can we do that?" "if the van doesn't work on friday what will we do?" "how do i buy food if all my cards are rejected?" "are there any other ways to say no?" "How can i help the team bond and work together?" "is it unfair to leave that responsability with them?" "what am i doing here? I have no real gifts except to be here"

stuff like that.

I need some time each day to spend with Jesus. Because that is the answer.

which sounds so simple, and so annoying. but it is true. and its a fact i was reminded of today.
I got a great text this evening saying when we lift our eyes to Jesus then we really do have peace.

and its true everytime i take some time out and just spend it with Jesus I am filled with peace, and strength - (in repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength)
what i need to learn is how to spend quaility resting time with Jesus in the middle of a crisis.

i also know the answer to 2+2.

or at least i think i do.

trust

2004-10-15T01:14:00.000+01:00

just had an awesome text.

"trust is an amazing thing.Nothing changes and yet somehow everything is changed."

wow.

especially when we trust Jesus.

sometimes we are in not such good situations/circumstances that there seems to be no reason for, or that there seems to be no good in it, or no hope, or no end to, but then when we decide to trust in Jesus, to actively trust in Jesus, and say, I trust you, i can't see how its going to work, or pan out, and it might never look great for me in this, but i trust in your goodness, then everything changes.
logically everthing is the smae, but our perception is different. we look at God not at the problem - God to whom nothing is impossible. nothing at all.

an amazing text :-)

my address

2004-10-12T11:09:00.000+01:00

I fianlly have an address for next year

Jeff Pullinger
c/o Rowen Hamilton
Dalpatrick Ford
Crieff
PH7 3QN

which amuses me slightly :-) LOL!

Art

2004-10-11T21:54:00.000+01:00

Quite a while ago now I found out that one of my beautiful friends could do art.
Not a huge discovery you might think. But it was.

She was good at art. But she didn't really do much any more.

I love art, but I don't really know much about it - but i do know that some times a picture can capture an emotion, or a fact in a way that sometimes words or music can't.

I was going through some stuff, and hope was a very important word to me. and I wanted to see hope.

So i asked her to draw me hope.

she did.

and she drew such a powerful piece of art.
It is a picture of someone kneeling down and hugging the foot of the cross.

it has spoken to me loads. Loads and loads. over and over again. And it has spoken to so many other people. People keep seeing the image in my bible and asking for a copy because its so true. and so powerful.

hope - to kneel at the foot of the cross.

hope - only comes from knowing that Jesus died and ROSE from the dead.

I then asked her to draw me the glory of God, and she did. And that too remains in my bible.

One night as i was thinking in bed about the idea of this job, and the end of my degree I was thinking about trust in Jesus.

I had to trust in Jesus for my future - but that felt hard. I couldn't see where i was going, and if i went, and Jesus didnt bless me, or go with me or turn up, i was dead.

i was thinking about this, and couldn't get my head around it.
So I text my friend and asked her to draw me "having to totally rely on Jesus/trusting Jesus".

On saturday after the commission my beautiful friend gave me a framed picture.
The picture is of God's hand, and a person stepping blindfolded of one finger - and there being another finger there - but the person can't see it.

I can not explain or discribe how powerful this image is to me - or how it encapsulate exactly what i was thinking.

It is beautiful.

when I told her how amazing I thought it was she said
"thats because Jesus is amazing. He knows you better than anyone so when i sat down and said 'Jesus what can i draw?' he said 'draw this' and showed me. so i can't take any credit for it"

wow.

which is why the art is so amazing. That is a beautiful heart and attitude.

but....

its not quite correct. :-)
Jesus is amazing.
He does know me better that any one.
He did say "draw this" and show her.

But...
it took a person who loves Jesus enough to spend time with him, so she could hear his voice, and understand what was being said.
It took a person who's heart is big enough to care enough to draw it
It takes a person who has spent enough time practicing drawing to be at that level of expertise.
It takes a person who is willing to try, a person who is willing to try their best - who is willing to possibly fail, a person who is willing to share their heart - because thats what music and art etc is all about.

I agree that Jesus should take all the credit - because he made some one so wonderful - but they still had the choice not to do any of the above.
so....
Yes to Jesus be the glory.
but I want to publicly say thank you that my friend drew this wonderful piece of art.

it is very special.

and in my eyes the credit goes to her and to Jesus. and I don't think thats wrong.
so Thank you.

erm... so there.

music/art/dance/work is so special - they are all ways in which we can touch other people lives in such a profound way. but it does take time - and practice, and failing many times first, and perserverance, and more than all of those, spending time with Jesus so you can hear that promting. That guidance.

creativity.... in my personal opion starts with Jesus - even for those people who don't know him

first blog back

2004-10-11T21:47:00.000+01:00

Training has finished.
Commissioning has come and gone.
The time for going to scotland is on its way...

and i have the internet again.

what have i learnt over the last 7 weeks?

A lot.

what can i say here? - I'm not sure, I'm still pretty braindead. :-)

but I want to say a couple of things.

Commissioning is a big thing in the YFC world. Its a day when all the creative arts teams perform infront of family, friends, staff workers, and perspective missions organiser who might want to hire us.
Its high pressure, and a lot of fun.

The whole day went really well, and i was so proud of my band. They were great, they performed to a really high standard. and actually I felt much more proud than I thought I would. It seems they mean a lot to me! already and I've only known them 7 weeks -
thats one thing that has happened. I love my band. They are not a collection of people, they are my band. And I love them :-) Can't wait to get started working up in Crieff with them. Even if they might drive me mad, or i might drive them mad.

For commissioning some of my friends and family came up. And that meant so much to me - again much more than i thought it would do. These events have normally not meant a huge amount to me - its just a day.
and it was just a day,
but I felt so blessed that my friends came up - i mean really blessed. I am so thankful to Jesus that i have such friends.

Friends are so important.

time to be changed

2004-09-23T07:16:00.000+01:00

I have had so much stuff over the last few weeks to blog about which i haven't had time to. I have found this pretty gutting.

Last friday we (Kurios) performed at a gig at the end of a three day mission in Worcester.

It was awsome.

As I was sitting listening to Naomi (One of YFC's new evangelists) I had this sudden realisation of just how much Jesus is going to change me this year. For the better.

There is so much stuff that needs to be changed in me. So much stuff that i have been praying about for ages,
and so much stuff that I don't know about yet.

Jesus has given me this job... and I can't do it. But I will. Because he's asked me to do it, He will provided me the strength.

Some one text me to read psalm 18.

I love you, Oh Lord, my strength.

I'm beginning to really learn some of this. I've had to learn this before through some really hard experiences, but this feels different.

Through out my life it seems I've been stripped of different things I've relied on.

this time I feel stripped of having close friends close to me. and I feel stripped of knowing whats going on, knowing what to do next, knowing the right way of doing something, and having some one else responsible for whats going on.

I don't have any of that at the moment.

I have to totally totally rely on Jesus at the moment.

I have also been stripped of my space.
of space to read books, or go on the internet. or phone people or even text people.

I'm responsable for a band, for the music, for their sanity, for the walk with Jesus (some of) and for how good we are in schools.

Its been a time of having to step up.

and it will continue to be a time of daily stepping up.

in to a role that feels too big.

and I praise Jesus that he fills up all the space, that he's being my strength.

i'm rambling. I'm sleepy.

The simple things i was going to say is,
that Jesus is going to change me a lot this year.
and thats exciting and scary.
it is good.

time.

2004-09-12T08:35:00.000+01:00

It is interesting blogging when you don't have any spare time, and you don't have an internet connection.

Time - i do have some spare time, half and hour here and a bit there, but that time i just have to spend talking to Jesus - just me and Jesus.
Its amazing that even though we're on training, so we have lectures every day about Jesus and we have worship times etc, it seems to eat in to my precious time of just me and Jesus. the times that really refresh me, and give me peace, and hope.
SO all my spare time is just spent catching up with Jesus and telling him about whats going on, and asking for help. My job is very hard work. very hard work. And i am not feeling on top of all i have to do - i know i'll never be totally on top of it, but at the moment i'm not sure what things i need to be on top of.

time with Jesus is precious.

and so is time with friends.
I'm having half a day off today and i had yesterday off and its been so beautiful to see my friends. they refresh me so much and encourage me - and its nice to see some people outside of YFC :-) ! when i get to scotland i shall make time for me and Jesus and some time for me and other random people i don't know.

As an aside... i'm just leaving for scotland... and just met a new friend. letters time.

in fact. i love letters, and will reply if you want to send me some!

the thing about friends, Jesus, letters, work etc... is that they all use a lot of time. and time is the one thing you cannot make any more of. You get a certain amount each day, and never any more. you can't save it up, so its so precious.
and if you want stuff to work. you have to give it time.
imagine if we tithed time to Jesus...
so each day we'd give totally with out distraction, with out forward planning 2.4 hours a day to Jesus.

thats a thought.

My first week

2004-08-30T00:57:00.000+01:00

I have finished my first week working for YFC as leader of the band kurios.

and what a week it has been.
It has been a good, interesting and hard week.

The week's purpose was to meet the teams, begin to bond, learn how to play the songs, individually, and as a band.

The week actually felt very natural. being there i mean.
It felt natural to have a team and to lead it.

It was a week of having to learn things, and fast.
It is different (obviously) to bond with a team as a leader than it is as a friend.
In some ways that felt natural too, but in other ways it was very hard.

As the week went on I felt very lonely, I didn't have any one there to share the experience with, to chat about the team to, to unwind with.

I had R and M there - as fellow leader, and boss, and they were very helpful and encouraging, a blessing to have there. R was great and i learnt a lot from her, she has had so much experience doing music/band training, and leading it was good to watch.
R and I have very different ways of doing things, which is a positive thing. As long as there is a lot of communication.

Communication. Communication. Communication.

The answer to most problems.

So simple, and yet actually so hard. But so good when it works. When people communicate, people get to know each others hearts, to understand where the other person is coming from, and that is always good. You might not agree with each other, but thats not always the point. We as humans will never totally agree - I mean totally agree on every point, every value, every idea, every way of doing things - with another human being. Again thats not the point of communication, or even relationships. But it is about sharing hearts, ideas, experiences, emotions, worries, pleasures, excitments - and learning and growing.

sounds dramatic.... not meant to. Just was thinking.

Through out the week it was amazing to see how the teams began to get to know each other, and were willing to accept each other, and to get their heads down and to learn the music. In just 4/5 days the two bands were sounds good. It was exciting.

One of my favorite moments was when I got to tell the guys who was going to scotland - and then we could begin to work at being a team - I found it very very hard not knowing who my team was for the first couple of days.

After practicing for a whole day we stopped and started to worship. That was such a good moment. Summing up everything we were working for through out that day, and will be working for through out the next year, and after.

It is for Jesus that I am doing this job, and it is through Jesus I am able to do this job.
Only for Him. Only through Him.

I have had to spend time on my kness just to get strength from Jesus - time just spent calling on Jesus.

And actually that is the most productive thing as a leader I can do.

the job starts

2004-08-23T09:26:00.000+01:00

Today has been lovely.

but am now too tired to talk about it, but

BBQ's - Mr B made home made burgers... man they tasted amazing.

Got interviewed at St M's tonight, was cool, didn't feel that i said all of what needed to be said, but did give some of my testimony, which was cool. - actually very interesting response. People listened - for most people at st mary's it would have been the first time they would have heard any of it - even the small stuff i said tonight - and it had an effect.

it basically spoke of God being God - and Him being incharge.
One day i shall write up some of my testimony. but not today - its a big job i want to get right.

I love my friends so much. They really blessed me today. They just came and hung out, i needed that so badly.

in less than 6 hours i need to be up to start my new job... :-) Here goes everything.

coming home to family and friends

2004-08-22T21:34:00.000+01:00

I got back today from soul survivor c.
It has been a good week, but also very hard. - which i shall write about more latter.

But first,

Coming home (and may be its because the fact that i am leaving on monday brings it home more...) is great.
My parents are both away this weekend, but my brother was in, and it was so good to see him again and chat, even before i went away i hadn't really seen him for a while.

He put with me checking my mail, and catching up on silly admin things while chatting, and then he cooked me food. I miss real food when camping - and i love camping - but sometimes the body just wants meat and veg!

Dad phoned a bit later, and one of my special friends came round and hung out, then mum phoned, and i phoned another special friend, then randomly my cousin came round (who used to live with us for a while...) - unexpected and whom we hadn't seen for ages, and then another two of my special friends came round....

how amazing is that :-)

and.... my friend has brought me a present to say good bye... and its an nomad mp3 player... its so amazing.
I was here putting cd's on to minidiscs... and chatting to andy saying i really wanted a mp3 player.. a bit one so i could have all my cd's with me next year... and now I have one! its so amazing. Jesus has blessed me with the best friends ever.

thank you so much Mr B! I love you.

so... now i'm sitting here putting all my cd's on to my jukebox... :-)

friends and family. actually two of my biggest loves/passions.

thank you for blessing me so much everyone. I am going to miss being so close to you when i go.
I'm going to cry.
time to stop

the morning after

2004-08-15T19:30:00.000+01:00

Gill Marshall is now Gill Van der Murva (or something like that ) :-)

The wedding was so lovely, in fact one of my favorite weddings I've ever been to. Gill was stunning, and Steph was as handsome and gentlemanly as ever. they did look great together.

I really enjoyed the service. I loved the fact that they memorised their vows to each other.

I really enjoyed playing in the band as well. It was the first time i had played with Tim Lomax for over a year.

The photos were really quick, I was well impressed! They had printed a sheet saying who was in what photo when, and that made it all a lot smoother - and Gill had got a friend of ours - Tony - to do the photos. Was so good to see him again.

The meal was good (even if the food was a bit late coming... was getting starving) good time to chat, I was sitting on a good table :-)

Speeches.
The speeches overall were way to long...(they prob always are and always wil be) but some good stuff was said.
Stephs speech was great, he spoke beautifully and said good stuff. I liked that.

Then the reception. The Taxi Band played, and that was good fun :-) In fact that was our last gig together. Which is very sad, but i'm glad the last one was so much fun, and that we played pretty good, and so many people danced.

I love playing and seeing people dance. It makes my heart smile - and my face sometimes.... :-)

Then set down, which took too long, and i was too tired.

but it was a good day. and Gill and Steph are now married.

I like that.

This morning i feel dead, but am smiling

Weddings

2004-08-14T20:26:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow I am going to a friends wedding. It will be an amazing day.
A day of celebration of the union of two people. A celebration of people people becoming one.
Forever.

So its a good event, an important event.

and a long one.

tomorrow i have to start setting up the sound/band for the reception at 9am.
have a band practice for the service at 10.30
have the service at 1
have the meal at 3
start playing in the reception band at 7.30
dance etc and wait for the dj to finish at 11? may be...
then pack down.

the man hours involved in a wedding are huge.
its strange.

Sometimes i feel the sometimes there is more energy spent on the celebration than the marriage these days.
if some couples who are going through some hard stuff spent as much time, energy , money, and sacrificing themselves for their partners on sorting out problems as they did for the one day to celebrate the marriage there would be a lot less break ups. and with a lot less break ups there would be a lot less broken families - obviously there are a lot of borken families with parent who have great marriages.

This is a go at the celebration. but it is a lot of energy, and some times it seems that there is less energy being put in to save relationships than to celebrate the start of the union.

but tomorrow I shall have a lot of fun, and i will work hard to make the day as special as possible for them.

but there is also a challange for me.... if i'm prepared to put this much energy for one day for them... i need to be prepared to put much more energy in to helping them if problems do ever arise.

letters...

2004-08-13T10:35:00.000+01:00

This morning i spent quite a bit of time writing a letter.

I find letters very interesting, I love writing social letters, when you can just chat, but there is something about letters I find interesting.

When you write some thing in a letter it is tangible.
It exists.
It is.

When you speak, words come out, and then vanish, apart from in memory.
But memorys rememeber things differently, and it can be discussed.

Letters are final.

So when you have to write an official letter - or a letter that goes to more than one person, I find that very hard.

The way i communicate is to communicate to one person - a person who you can see respond, and then you can respond to their response.
Same idea in a letter, you write a letter ot one person, and you know them, and you use language, phrasing that they understand, but when writing to more than one person thats weird.

I wrote a letter about what I am doing this year...
and I sent it to many people, all of whom think differently and respond differently etc.

I wrote a letter in a very truthful way.

I got a letter back from some one who was very offended. They were not pleased at recieving the letter. Because it talked about God, and asked for prayer, and because it asked for money - but only if they wanted to give it. But also becasue they didn't like what i was going to do.

It got me thinking, is it worse to ask some one even though they might get offended and say no, or assume they will say no and not give them the opportunity...

i don't know.

but the whole of the above begs some big questions about teaching and preaching next year.

I will need to practice the skill of communicating to a large group of people all at the same time - and gauging all of the responses at the same time etc.
To plan for a group not just for an individual.

also, when it comes to telling some one about Jesus and the hope there is in Him, do i just tell everyone, even though they may be offended, or assume they won't want to know and not tell them?

but for now I think I shall go to bed

fear.

2004-08-10T14:12:00.000+01:00

Today i'm feeling quite scared of my job.
I feel i have so much to do and no time to do everything - that makes me feel unsettled - and then fear comes and attacks.
I hate fear - because there is nothing to be fearfully of. I mean a bit of scaredness is ok - makes you trust in God, on his strength and not mine - and stops any pride, but this fear thing keeps rearing its ugly head, it makes me feel awful.

was reading
2 corinthiansv17
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

Well I have the Spirit of the Lord in me, but yet i don't think i have freedom from this fear stuff. so thats interesting.
I was thinking yesterday - that the verse above I could claim as a promise. and that actually felt good.
so shall do that again now as i've remembered it.

protect your ears.

2004-08-10T00:04:00.000+01:00

about 4 and a half years ago while i was at Nexus (Academy of music ministry) my brother bought me hearing protection - custom moulded ear plugs, which cut all noise by 15db, which is a fair amount. He did it cause i was always playing drums... and he knows what its like to be deaf.
So i have worn them more and more over the years, till now i don't play drums with out ear protection. In fact i had a bad experience at a Vandels gig where i was too close to the speakers and hurt one of my ears badly through stuff being too loud.

I went to get new ear plugs today (your ears change shape over the years... and mine were beginning to crack) and while i was there the guy gave me a hearing test.

My ears are not good - one of my ears are bad through ear infections as a kid, but the other one now has pernament hearing damage, and thats with me always wearing ear protection - so... if you are a musicain and you play near a drummer... get hearing protection - music is so beautiful that you don't ever want to not hear it.... and much more than that - imagine you're a grandfather (or mother...) and you can't hear your granddaughters laugh. 150 pounds is not a lot of money to protect your ears.
do it.
do it now.
book an appointment - Jesus only gave you two ears, protect them. please!

todays been pretty long, but i think i've got quite a bit done...
Jesus is good.

in some ways my last week

2004-08-08T23:21:00.000+01:00

Sitting in the pub today I was made aware of how little time i have till i start my job. I basically have one week to sort my life out... but so far most of that is booked up.

I've had a good weekend,
played a gig in brighton on sat, so.... drove 100 miles to the gig, and got there, and found out that i had left my bass drum pedal at home.... argh!
prayed. lots, and ran around looking for an open music shop, but eventually one of the band members had a friend, who had a friend, who's daughter used to play drums who had one in the loft... so got that, it was a horrible pedal, but it work, so did the gig. Was really good fun - it was a wedding. Made me feel very single - lots of couples dancing lots. They look really happy which was good. Made me happy actually - i love making people dance and enjoy themselves :-)

The last week or so i've been trying to catch up with people, - so everything i'm doing i'm taking people with me, so i can spend my time seeing people, I have so many amazing friends. I'm really going to miss them when i move. I beginning to miss them already.

service was good tonight. Jude preached a really good serman on friendship :-)

A degree and a visit to scotland

2004-08-07T10:12:00.000+01:00

It has been a busy week this week.

I went to Scotland and visited Crieff, the place I will be working next year.
It is so beautiful, very beautiful. Kurios will be working with a group called Logos, who work with youth in schools and have a cafe which is open most lunch times and in the winter most evenings.
The head of Logos is very cool, I am looking forward to working with/under him, i wil learn so much from him. We chatted with him more about what the plan for Kurios is, and about lines of communitcation etc. Was very very useful.
Seeing Crieff was good, got to wander round for a little while, and i saw both the schools, there is such a difference between the two.

The trip has made me really excited, and quite scared, but Chris (head of logos) will teach me... i hope :-)
I also got to meet the team at YFC Scotland, who are lovely. Loads of exciting things seem to be happening in scotland, looking forward to being able to get involved!
Training starts in two weeks!! way to close, as totally not ready

Hanging out with Mel was good too, good to get to know her a bit better.

When i got back from Scotland, an envelope was waiting for me.... and it was my degree results,
i got a 2.1! I'm so happy :-) Jesus is good to me.
When i got my last set of results the head of my course said so you'll need to work hard and get a 2.2. So i did work hard... and so pleased with a 2.1 is unbelievable. :-) I have a degree! Jesus is so good.

if you can't beat them... join them...

2004-08-02T02:56:00.000+01:00

Not sure what i think about that statement, but i have sucummed to having a blog... with blogger... I always thought I'd just make my own site.. but have run out of time.

I start Kurios in 3 weeks.